Moving!

It's been a while, I know...I just wanted to give details on what's going on in the Cokenour household. We've been living at Rio Bend since July last year, and have come to realize clearly that although God called us to become foster parents, it does not necessarily only have to be at Rio Bend. Without getting into too many details, we are not in agreement with some recent decisions here, so it's time for us to dust off our sandals and move on!

I thought we were in a recession! There are not too many houses available (in our desired areas and price ranges, anyway). We were originally going to rent, but rents are EXHORBENT right now, so we decided to buy. Thanks to Uncle Obama (as my husband calls him) we are eligible for an $8k stimulus if we purchase a home, so that decision became a no-brainer! We actually came across some foreclosures that I was interested in, but you're required to pay cash because no one will lend you any money with the condition they're in.

We have been concentrating on the Sugar Land area since that's what we are familiar with and we love it. Jeff just started a new job at the VA in the medical center area, so it was also important to find something that would give him a better commute.

We currently have an option on a house that is within walking distance to my brother and sister in law - we're excited about being able to spend more time with them.

We will continue to foster, Lord willing... Our current foster daughter may be going back home soon, so if she does, we'll accept another placement - maybe even being open to younger kids this time. Teenagers can wear you out, whether they're your own or not, so we may take a break from adding teens to our household.

I'm excited about the new house so I can finally start doing some projects that I've been wanting to do for a while. My family will not know what to think when I actually start making drapes for OUR OWN HOME.

I will keep this updated once we close and with any fun projects that come up!

drained

Yesterday we had to do one of the hardest things we've ever had to do - admit a child to a psychiatric hospital. We knew he had problems to start with, why else would he be in foster care, right?

It's hard to understand how a child who can be so happy and obedient one moment can lose total control of his ability to reason the next. I can't stop wondering what we could/should have done differently, but the bottom line is some children, in and out of foster care are emotionally and mentally disturbed. We really had no choice when our family's safety (and his) was threatened.

I have alot of things going through my mind, but mostly (1) It was presumptuous of us to believe we could help him in such a short period of time and (2) what hope is there for people like this? During the admission process, there was an older gentleman admitting his 29 year old son as well. He commented that his son was about the same age as our foster son when he was first admitted.

I'm emotionally drained right now and feel defeated. I'm sad for what we had to do and for any scars we added to his heart.

In Memory of Grandma Helen

Helen Augusta Gunn was my husband, Jeff's maternal Grandmother. She passed away this past Sunday, February 1st, 2009. She just turned 95 years old in October.

Grandma Helen came to live with us in 1998 (about 11 years ago) after she fell and shattered her ankle and was unable to live on her own. Until that time, Jeff's sister, Helen, and his mom, Karen, who lived nearby in California helped her by checking in on her, taking her shopping, etc... Since she needed so much assistance we decided to move her in with us so we could take care of her, and since we only had two kids at the time and a 4 bedroom home, it was something we needed to do.

Having Grandma live with us was such a good experience for our family. It taught us patience, respect and the kids learned to put other people before themselves. Grandma didn't have much, but she was content with her life. Jeff has many fond memories of her growing up because she was always there, sometimes living with them, but always nearby.

Grandma was able to watch our children grow up - Andrew was born about a year after she moved in with us and in her early stages of dementia, she thought he was her baby. Those were such sweet moments because he deveopled a close bond with her as well. The kids loved to hang out in her room with her to snuggle or just watch cartoons and they could always count on her sneaking them a cookie or two.

We'll miss Grandma Helen and cherish our sweet memories of her!

Patiently Waiting...

It's been a while since I've posted, so I thought I'd give a quick update. Things are busy as usual in our household. Amy is now 16, getting ready to apply for her first job today (as a Book Shelver at the library - perfect for her!), Sarah just turned 13 and Andrew is 9. We currently still have only 1 foster child - a 13 year old girl, she and Sarah are friends (most days, anyway) and I LOVE the way God uses our ENTIRE family to impact her life. I can't imagine doing this any other way!

We got a call last week asking if we would take an 8 year old boy and we accepted immediately. Andrew's been asking for a brother for a very long time (especially when his sisters have lots of friends over). We have not heard back from CPS who will be the ones transporting him to our home, so we wait patiently. You never know how quickly the placement process will work. We once accepted placement of another foster daughter on a Wednesday and she did not come until the following Wednesday. We have a neighbor who said yes to a 6-week old baby and an hour later she came! This poses a little issue with being prepared. You never know what they will come with. Will they have enough clothes? Will they fit? Are they appropriate (both modest and weather)? *****UPDATE: Our foster son will be here tomorrow, 1/22! *****

The biggest issue with being prepared is what will they be like? When Andrew was begging me to please call and ask again for a brother, I reminded him that if he gets one that he may not be exactly what he's hoping for. I asked Andrew to think about a kid in his class who is always getting into trouble, failing his classes and isn't liked by most of the kids because he's a bully and told him that THAT would most likely be what his new brother would be like. I asked him if he still wanted a brother like that, and he said yes! He said that God can use him to be a good example and we agreed that we'd all be angy if we weren't getting the love and care that we needed. I want to encourage all of you to reach out to someone you may not know well, but is a little unlovable. You never know - they may be in desperate need of a friend.

I'd love to share more about our foster kids, but we must respect their privacy. If you would like to be included on prayer requests and updates for our family, please let me know!

'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' Matthew 25:40

Back to One

Today was a roller coaster of a day - we started out with two foster daughters, and are now down to one. We had a 15 year old girl placed in our home about 3 weeks ago. She was a joy! Very quiet, responsible and well-behaved. She was in foster care for different reasons than most kids - sorry I have to be vague, but we need to respect their privacy as much as possible, which is why I post so few details. You see, this sweet girl has a 5 month old baby and CPS has been trying hard to get them placed in the same home since she came into care a month ago. So, while I'm sad that this sweet girl is no longer in our home, I KNOW God used us to plant some seeds and I'll see her again. Best of all, she's back with her baby now which is all she's wanted from day one. I have to give her CPS caseworker credit for working so hard to get this done before Christmas - most other government employees would avoid any extra work they can before a long break.

I agree with Jen that being a foster parent is hard - I have had so many physically, emotionally draining days I too question myself some days as to how long I can endure this, then God gives me a glimpse of how He is using us in their lives. We are all growing through this - and consider these trials PURE JOY. (James 1)

Cruisin'

Well, Jeff and I are back from our cruise where we celebrated our 20th Anniversary. We went on Carnival's Ecstasy and really enjoyed ourselves.

The main thing we kept hearing about was THE FOOD on cruises. Jeff & I enjoy high-quality food, and we were definitely NOT disappointed. You get to choose between eating at self-serve buffets to quality restaurants where you are seated and served your choice of appetizers and entrees' or room service if you preferred. Here's what I had for my entrees' each night:

• Night 1 - Flounder (Jeff had Duck)


• Night 2 - Lobster & Shrimp


• Night 3 - Chateau Briand


• Night 4 - Turkey


• Night 5 - Salmon (Jeff had Lamb)

Keep in mind that this is just the entree' and you usually had about 5 to choose from. They were totally okay with choosing more than one appetizer, so in addition to this you had a delicious appetizer (or two) as well! The yummiest thing was the Chocolate Melting Cake and I plan on finding a recipe to try out soon! For breakfast we had DELICIOUS Eggs Benedict.

There was quite a bit of entertainment to choose from - shows, dancing, casino, music, tea time and seminars like ice sculpting and scrapbooking. Our first stop was in Cozumel which was lots of fun. The excursions were cancelled because of high winds and choppy waters, but we found a small beach and were able to relax and go snorkling. I wasn't as impressed with our second port stop in Progreso, so "next time" we will probably take the 4 day cruise with only the stop in Cozumel.

Our main goal on this cruise was to REST, and unfortunately, that goal was not met. Our room was an interior room, meaning it was located on the interior part of the ship vs. a room with a window. There were loud banging noises intermittently on one of the walls and the crew was unable to pinpoint where it was coming from. It didn't help that every time we called them it stopped, so they never got to hear it themselves. Needless to say, we didn't get a great night's sleep while away. They were very gracious and gave us an onboard credit for our purchases while on the cruise, so I was grateful for that. I also need to mention that photographs are a BIG source of revenue on these boats - they're always taking your picture and also provide various stations with a variety of backdrops and each night they post these pictures for you to review and purchase if you desire. The photo above was my disembarkment at Cozumel and I have more to come!

If you're thinking of a fun getaway with your honey, I would highly recommend a cruise. It took me a little while to get over the gaudy casino-like feel to the ship, but I enjoyed the quality time I was able to spend with Jeff. It was nice to stop everything and intentionally invest in our marriage. I feel so blessed to have a husband like Jeff!

I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!

Okay - I'm SO ready to go on Saturday! Jeff and I are celebrating our 20th anniversary and are going on a 5 day cruise to Mexico. This is a trip we planned since early this year, before fostering and before my broken ankle. I'm not looking forward to it so much for the entertainment aspect of it, but for the rest. I'm tired. Emotionally, I need a break and time to pray and meditate on how to best impact our foster daughter's life. I have a few books I'm bringing with me that may help with practical advice.

I'm glad Jeff and I will have this chance to spend time together without the distractions of work, school, kids and all the noise that goes along with that. This has been a hard semester on us - Jeff is finishing up his last semester at UH taking classes every M-Th evening in addition to teaching. That leaves me to be the one juggling the kids' needs and schedules - and that's in addition to working full time. We have prayed about and decided that at the first of the year, I will change my employment status with Apartment Life back to part time (after being full time for 2 years). I can't wait to be able to have more time to invest in my family's life and am looking forward to spending more time with friends that I feel like I've put on hold for the past 2 years. This change is an answer to prayer! Who knows - I may even find time to sew some drapes for our own home next year!